Sunday morning Karen and I were listening to General Conference on KVNU. We were a little taken back by the talk given by LDS Relief Society President Julie B. Beck [emphasis added]:
Mothers who know are nurturers. This is their special assignment and role under the plan of happiness.5 To nurture means to cultivate, care for, and make grow. Therefore, mothers who know create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes. Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate. Nurturing mothers are knowledgeable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth. Growth happens best in a “house of order,” and women should pattern their homes after the Lord’s house (see D&C 109). Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work. Helping growth occur through nurturing is truly a powerful and influential role bestowed on women.
We thought the address was a bit sexist. Apparently so did a few others. There was a well written article on reaction to the talk in the Tribune which seems to have disappeared for now. Also from MormonFeministHousewives:
I’m feeling very discouraged just now. Sad, sad, sad. Disappointed. Tired. I wish I had the talk in front of me so I give context to those of you who did not hear it, but that will have to wait until it comes out online (on Thursday?)?
I keep trying to take some comfort from some of her (many) gists that really are important, motherhood is vital, practice less materialism, have fewer distractions, teach our children of substantial and important matters. I keep trying to just appreciate her very fine and strong delivery.
But it’s not working. I should wait until I can read it, probably, to express more precisely all the levels on which I found this talk flawed in focus and disappointing in content. No mention of fathers vital roles, the unacknowledged assumption that all women can be mothers/homemakers, the conflating of homemaking and housecleaning, the guilt, the patronizing “this is influence, this is power” (Motherhood does have power, I’m not saying it doesn’t, but that only half the story the other half being a great deal of real and frightening powerlessness), the total lack of deep gospel mojo.
It must be possible to strongly affirm the importance of families without this kind of mess. Ah yes, it’s happening right now. Thank you Elder Oaks. Fantastic talk. Sigh, I feel somewhat better now.
So, as Mormon women, how do we approach a talk like Beck’s? Is “in one ear and out the other” okay? Would it be inappropriate to respond directly, write her a letter listing in detail the things I find flawed and disappointing in her approach, or is that not sustaining my leaders? Almost worse than my annoyance and dismissal is the (unnecessary) guilt and shame I think my orthodox friends probably took right to heart.
The thing is, I want to sustain Beck, I don’t want to bash her, but there is no way that I can believe that “keeping our homes as tidy as the temple” or “being the best homemakers in the world” are the vital lessons that will bring myself and my family closer to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Shesh.
Look, whatever religion you are, you’re going to end up hearing something at Church or worship that you don’t agree with. It’s inevitable. People are people and even within the same church they can have very different points of view.
Karen and disagree with a lot of what’s in Beck’s speech. But that’s just what we think. Julie Beck is welcome to her opinion as much as we to ours. And it’s up to us how much creedence we give her views in this talk. Because we don’t agree, there’s no reason for stress or consternation.
If you don’t agree with Beck, fine. There’s no reason to get bent out of shape over it.
-Tom
Apparently, Julie Beck doesn’t agree with the Church Handbook of Instructions: “The decision as to how many children to have and when to have them is extremely intimate and private and should be left between the couple and the Lord. Church members should not judge one another in this matter.”
Steve
Steve, Beck’s purpose as a church leader is to provide general counsel. The CHI quote you provided reflects the truth that not everyone can have children or can have lots of children. Since we don’t (and needn’t) know the intimate details of our neighbor’s lives, we aren’t equipped to judge them on this matter and we should refrain from doing so. That policy statement in the CHI in no way contradicts the long-standing encouragement from the church for members to welcome children into their homes. Beck was merely reiterating that counsel.
What is the point of a church that doesn’t ask us to stretch, to change, and to do hard things? I think people that didn’t like Beck’s remarks missed her more fundamental point about motherhood. I agree with Tom that there are likely to be differences of opinion on this subject. Presumably, he posted his remarks here to get other people’s take on them. In that spirit, I’d like to respond.
Beck asserts that “another word for nurturing is homemaking.” To interpret her comments about homemaking without accepting this premise is to gravely misunderstand her. The second sentence of Beck’s that you highlighted was about LDS women being the “best” [nurturers]. You may think the rhetoric of “best” is problematic, but I think she was trying trying to say how important Latter-day Saints ought to think motherhood is. I doubt she meant to put mothers of other faiths down, but rather to encourage mothers of our faith to be better.
My wife blogged about the talk here and I blogged about it here.
Do your best, that is what I got from the talk, life is hard and we need to prioritize better. Enjoy being mothers, wifes and never feel that we are perfect. We must try and that is all she asked. Sustain and follow. The things she said were good, positive and that is how we know of there truth.
Geez, Tom, misogynistic? Isn’t that a stretch? You do realize that means hateful of women, right? I’ll grant you that there was material in there that would be controversial, but I agree, it’s nothing that hasn’t been said for years. I didn’t hear this talk in its entirety, but do agree that we need to wipe out the guilt women feel in the Church, and any kind of language that leads to it, even unintentionally. But the misogynist comment is ridiculous. Look past the offending language, don’t read into it too much, and what she says is pretty sound, solid stuff.
One of the most important things I think we can take away from Julie Beck’s talk is that she wasn’t intending to make anyone feel bad. There are other great things that women can do, but definitely being a profound influence in the lives of their children is one that they have the ability to do better than their children’s fathers.
My wife works, yet she still takes more time than I do to make sure that the children have what they need. Maybe Sister Beck’s talk should be a clarion call to us fathers to see if we can keep up in the important things with our wives. I will try to improve in this area, but I will not (just like no one else should) feel bad because I’m not perfect at it.
OK, let’s make this 5 guys to 1 commenting on this topic. If this concerns you, look at the women called to ‘general’ positions (RS, YW, P) and count the career women to homemakers. At my last count it was at least 5 to 1 in favor of career women. I can make all kinds of excuses (these leadership positions lend themselves to career trained women…) but it is interesting.
I would like to share a quote from President Harold B. Lee in the November 1970 General Conference:
“…We have some tight places to go before the Lord is through with this church and the world in this dispensation, which is the last dispensation, which shall usher in the coming of the Lord. The gospel was restored to prepare a people ready to receive him. The power of Satan will increase, we see it in evidence on every hand. There will be inroads within the church…we will see those who profess membership but secretly are plotting and trying to lead people not to follow the leadership that the Lord has set up to preside in this church.–Now the only safety we have as members of this church is to do exaclty what the Lord has said to the church in that day when the church was organized. We must learn to give heed to the words and commandments that the Lord shall give through his prophet as he receiveth them, walking in all holiness before me; as if from my own mouth in all patience and faith (D&C 21:4-5). There will be some things that take patience and faith. You may not like what comes from the authority of the church. It may contradict your political view. It may contradict your social view. It may interfere with some of your social life. But if you will listen to these things as if from the mouth of the Lord himself, with patience and faith, the promise is that the gates of hell shall not prevail against you; yea and the Lord God will depserse the powers of darkness from before you, and cause the heavens to shake for your good and his names glory. (D&C 21:61)”
Julie Beck is not a propeht, but she was called by one. That is enough for me.
Tricia! Thanks so much for the quote from Harold B. Lee that you posted on Oct. 14. That was so powerful!! I have never felt more at odds with people of my own faith when it comes to listening to the cousel of our leaders. It’s interesting how so many go on the attack (ie Julie Beck’s conference talk) when a woman shares her deepest thoughts, concerns, and counsel. Shame on us! We are so arrogant in our thinking sometimes (me included). And it was a good reminder that the Lord’s ways are not the world’s ways. The Lord’s ways are His ways and they aren’t negotiable. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I am glad to hear that not everybody took offense to the talk. It is a really hard line to walk, because I consider myself a modern man and I hate seeing women mistreated and shown they have to “live up” to standards that are mostly B.S. But at the same time, if you really search for wisdom, sometimes it’s right in front of us and we are already more enlightened than we give ourselves credit for. Some things aren’t meant to be changed, and sometimes the old ways are tried and true and stay around because they are effective. One mantra that is very dangerous to tamper with is families. A strong world comes from strong families, and strong families come largely from the nurturing of mothers. Obviously that isn’t always possible. But some things are true even if they aren’t popular, and those who take offense to it fail to realize that it’s not meant as anything but a compliment. Women are powerful creatures.
by now, you all know that i am neither a mormon, nor a traditional parent (which means i am divorced, raising two kids pretty much on my own).
i do NOT find her speech misogynistic or anti-women at all. i envy the woman who made good choices and made sacrifices to be a stay-at-home mom. life is so much easier if there is a parent (it doesn’t HAVE to be a mom) at home to run the household, make sure the chores get done, the laundry gets folded, etc. why does this job typically fall to women? well…i can think of two reasons: 1- stereotypes and 2- women want things done their way…and if a man were to clean the toilet in MY home, i’d just have to do it again anyway….just to make sure it was done right.
men can shovel snow and take out the trash however they want, but i want my towels folded a certain way. women are genetically predisposed to nurture. that’s not misogynistic.
I thought the talk by Sister Beck was great and wise counsel. 1 Nephi 16:2 says, “And it came to pass that I said unto them that I knew that I had spoken hard things against the wicked, according to the truth; and the righteous have I justified, and testified that they should be lifted up at the last day; wherefore, the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center.”
Its times like these that test the strength of our testimonies. Are we willing to take counsel from those who have been chosen to lead us? It makes me sick to read and listen to members of the church that don’t “agree” with Sister Beck’s message in conference. Those members that have “issues” with her message are probably the same members that question their local church leaders as well. They probably don’t want to say prayers in church, give talks/lessons, don’t hold family home evenings, are not having personal/family prayers, not reading their scriptures or attending the temple. They probably find every reason possible to skip meetings they should be attending; yet they consider themselves faithful, active, strong, salt of the earth members.
Serving in the bishopric I see these kinds of thing happen first hand. You people are a burden to the church!! Grow up and start living the gospel standards!!
For your reading pleasure I have included some of the talk by President Benson from his 1987 conference talk titled “To the Mothers of Zion”. Read’em and weep!
“Our beloved prophet Spencer W. Kimball had much to say about the role of mothers in the home and their callings and responsibilities. I am impressed tonight to share with you some of his inspired pronouncements. I fear that much of his counsel has gone unheeded, and families have suffered because of it. But I stand this evening as a second witness to the truthfulness of what President Spencer W. Kimball said. He spoke as a true prophet of God.
President Kimball declared: “Women are to take care of the family–the Lord has so stated–to be an assistant to the husband, to work with him, but not to earn the living, except in unusual circumstances. Men ought to be men indeed and earn the living under normal circumstances” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 318 ).
President Kimball continues: “Too many mothers work away from home to furnish sweaters and music lessons and trips and fun for their children. Too many women spend their time in socializing, in politicking, in public services when they should be home to teach and train and receive and love their children into security” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 319).
Remember the counsel of President Kimball to John and Mary: “Mary, you are to become a career woman in the greatest career on earth–that of homemaker, wife, and mother. It was never intended by the Lord that married women should compete with men in employment. They have a far greater and more important service to render.
Again President Kimball speaks: “The husband is expected to support his family and only in an emergency should a wife secure outside employment. Her place is in the home, to build the home into a haven of delight.
“Numerous divorces can be traced directly to the day when the wife left the home and went out into the world into employment. Two incomes raise the standard of living beyond its norm. Two spouses working prevent the complete and proper home life, break into the family prayers, create an independence which is not cooperative, causes distortion, limits the family, and frustrates the children already born” (Spencer W. Kimball, San Antonio Fireside, Dec. 3, 1977, pp. 9-10 ).
Sister Beck was quoting President Benson, who was quoting President Kimball. “In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.” (2 Timothy 4: 3-4)
Put that in your self-righteous peace pipes and smoke it!
Men and women are equal partners. One cannot obtain the glory of God without the other. However, the roles husbands and wives play on earth are different.
It troubles me that you say we should question our church leaders. We can’t pick and choose what commandments we keep, unfortunately too many members think they can and still think they are in good standing with the church. It doesn’t work that way.
The words I used in my last posting were straight from the scriptures and the prophets. Do you question them? How many sets of earrings do you have?
The church has raised the bar for missionaries to serve. Since then the number of missionaries have decreased, but the quality of missionary has increased. So it should be with current members of the church. We should raise our own bars and live better than we have been. The church might lose a few members, but the quality of member will be better.
Remeny, I think you are being the self-righteous one here. I defended Sister Beck’s talk, but you are going way too far by making judgments on people’s eternal souls. It is not up to you to help escort and offend people out of the Church. You don’t have to mince words, but you are not doing it in a spirit of love, and I’d rather not have you as a spokesman if you’re going to be like that.
Remeny, I am very sad at your comments, although I will defend your right to say them. Your post reminded me of my visiting teaching partner I had years ago. She told me she no longer wanted to be my partner because she will “only associate with people that will be with her in the Celestial Kingdom. And I was not a Celestial sister, and should not waste my time trying to be one, because it will never happen.” She stated she will have no contact with “people like me” in the Church. Maybe you two are related. I am a Primary President on my 3rd bishop, and to this day I believe her words. I have never taken a visiting teaching calling since then. Members who take an elitist attitude are often the ones who shove the others out the door.
I have to admit, I was a little taken back by that comment.
Let me continue. Remeny, I am a return missionary, and have been an active member my whole life. I was taken back by Sis. Beck’s talk because I am in a very difficult financial situation right now with my husband. We put off having kids so I could put him through his Master’s program and our kids didn’t have to go to daycare. Now we have 2 children, and my husband has decided that he doesn’t want to follow the career path of his Master’s, and is struggling to support our family. Consequently, I am over my head teaching music lessons to kids during the day, and trying to support my family. Let me add that we are NOT living extravagently and are still receiving assistance from the ward and government. In my heart, I would love to have the home environment that Sis. Beck described, but in my difficult circumstances, I can’t be the perfect mother she described. I think Sister Beck could have added a few more empathetic statements for women in difficult situations.
However, I agree with Tricia. I think the most important thing to remember is our testimonies of latter-day prophets and the true gospel of Jesus Christ. The purpose of general conference is to listen to our leader’s counsel, and adapt it to our own personal circumstances. I left conference with a determination in my heart to pray more to my Heavenly Father for more temporal blessings, so I can have more time to focus on more spiritual matters with my children and husband at home.
Anna, I can completely empathize with you and your experience with that uncharitable visiting teaching companion. Let me tell you, I have had MANY experiences where ward members have been completely rude in their words and behavior toward me. The only thing that has kept me active in my ward is some counsel my deceased step-dad told me me when I was young. I used to get annoyed with members giving inappropriate, disturbing testimonies during Sac. meeting. He told me: “we need to accept people entirely as they come. Everyone in the church is at different levels spiritually, emotionally, and socially. The church is perfect but the people aren’t. Whenever someone offends us, we need to pray for forgiveness and more charity.” Anna, I’m sure that you have great love and talents to share with sisters in your ward. I hope that you won’t let that one rude individual interfere with you influencing other sisters in need in your ward. Like Elder Oaks said in his talk: “it is best that in visiting teaching we make a difference in the lives we serve”. That is all that matters with visiting teaching.
Thank you for all your thoughts on Sister Beck’s talk. I have five children and have lived the life of less gladly to stay home to be available for my children. Sister Beck’s talk both cheered and saddened my heart. I was cheered because I believe a woman’s greatest calling is to be there for her family. Sister Beck’s talk confirmed and addressed this important role. I was saddened because no matter how much influence and power a mother exercises in the home, she cannot take away her children’s agency to choose. She can guide, inform, plead, pray, and direct but she can not make her children’s decisions for them as they grow and mature. I believe Sister Beck’s talk was a positive boost to those mothers who have children who choose to follow what they are taught. For those of us who have done all they know and still have a child who chooses to march to their own drummer, perhaps this talk was a little hard to hear. I agree that we must each raise the bar, so to speak, we can serve the Lord in a better manner than we do at this present moment by improving one step at a time, on purpose. It takes a great deal of strength as well as faith to hang in there when children stray from the principles of the gospel. As women, we do have power and influence in our childrens life. Sometimes that power and influence must used with wisdom and care as the child is ready to hear. If we let guilt or sadness overwelm us after we listen to talks such as Sister Beck’s then we may not be able to hear when the spirit whispers it is time to step in and nudge our children into different thought patterns or it is time to increase our support of love.
In this church we reach for the ideal, however I wonder if the picture sister Beck painted is the ideal? My mother can’t cook, I am used to burned dinners, and isn’t the greatest housekeeper. However she raised strong women who are all active members of the church. Growing up my mother was a nurse who always served the ward, giving out all the ward allergy and flu shots and teaching scouts even though she only had daughters. I learned to love the lord from her, and how to be strong. My oldest sister is a doctor, the other a graphic designer. I am becoming a nurse. I have found my sisters serve their wards in there capacities. My oldest sister graduated top in her medical class, had an internship at John Hopkins, and has saved other people’s babies. She is now a mother, however she didn’t have babies in medical school for obvious reasons. This gospel is based on principals, that way it can be individualized. It is up to the individual and their spouse to recieve revelation for their family. Sister Beck’s comments are not scripture. She cannot recieve revelation for the church, that is not our line of authority. I wonder about her back ground, what does her husband do? Has she ever not been able to feed her family and faced the decision of going back to work for her families basic needs? My experience hasn’t been that women are going back to work for to buy bread. I wonder how in touch sister Beck is with the women of the church.
If anyone knows more information on her bio please send it, I’m curious. My husband is a social worker, even with his masters he started at 30,000 a year. I am so proud of what he does, he is honestly amazing. Maybe all the men of the church should be lawyers and physicians, or my children shouldn’t go to college….
tess
It takes courage to say very clearly what we all need to hear in a world of disappearing values. I believe that Sister Beck prepared very carefully, this great conference talk. This is not her last talk but (to me) an indication that the Lord is concerned about the mothers of the world – that they stay focused on what they have divinely been called to be. She was not suggesting that the counsel was the solve-all to life and family living. She was however, suggesting that we can do better and if we listen (as she did in preparing the talk), we will hear the voice whispering (and in sometimes speaking loudly – depending on our need) that God is in His heaven still and wants us to succeed in a world of diminishing moral values. Being the father of 7 girls and 1 boy, this talk offers to my daughters (now grown and have children of their own), a strong encouragement to continue to stand tall – to do their best and above all “listen to the Lord speaking through those chosen to guide us all.” This talk gave my wife and I hope that in a world which is screaming “surrender to lesser values” and don’t expect to be much – it is akin to the talk given in the show “Independence Day” “We will not go quietly into the night” and that to me, is what Sister Beck was trying to say. She held the flag of liberty high so we could all see it and suggested paths of honor, diligence, faith, hope, and a more excellent way – while acknowledging that there is more than one way – but please listen to the Lord that you will find your way. There are voices in the world that would say to the Julie Beck’s of the world “please just go away and take your doctrine with you” – but I would say, “Thank you for being the Julie Beck I know, our Julie Beck – called for the here and now – the more sure word of protection and safety – to do our best and trust the Lord with the rest. I am grateful that we have a Julie Beck “who knows” and listens. Again – a father of 7 daughters says – thanks to the Julie Becks of the world – they are the glue that helps us all have hope in the future and a reason to believe that we can be not only here when the Savior comes again but “ready to meet Him” when he comes again. Thanks so much Sister Beck
Wow, Gordon! Are you sure you’re not Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley? I really appreciate your words. It is obvious that you have a powerful testimony and you have dedicated your life to your family and children. I wish I had a dad like you. My dad made poor choices and chose an opposite path. I think that’s another reason why I am so sensitive to this talk, along with many other people. The ideal is painful to hear when you didn’t get that “awesome powerful love and attention” growing up.
In addition to my previous comment, I think that deep down all of us long to have the ideal that Sis. Beck described. “The ideal” is all the time and heartful energy we can possibly get to serve, nurture, and love our children the best way we can, and truly make a powerful difference. We also long to have had it ourselves as children growing up. More than anything, I want to make a powerful difference to my children, to rise above my parental raising generation. However, I do believe that the Lord hears our prayers, and will help us with our righteous desires in our individual circumstances. The main theme of the Book of Mormon is “if you keep my commandments, you will prosper in the land”. I think the same goes with our families and children. If we have righteous desires, and seek the Lord in faith for help, we will be blessed.
Debbie, I think on judgement day, that’s all that will matter, and all you will be held accountable for. If you did your absolute best with the hand of the Lord along the way.
Tess, I also liked your remarks. You also have a strong point about other powerful roles that women can play. Even though Sis. Beck didn’t include those in her talk, I don’t think she was going against those. She was just merely stating the general principle that women are powerful influences on their children and we should do everything we can, our best, whatever that is, to influence them towards Jesus Christ.
I had heard that St. Beck’s talk had been recieved with mixed feelings. the comments on this blog verify that. For myself, I found her refreshingly bold. I have no doubt that she stewed and prayed many times over what she felt inspired to say, and in the end decided to say what she felt prompted to address by the Spirit and not worry about the fallout. I heard Elder Oaks say once that his job was to teach general principles and then address exception later (paraphrasing). I believe the same applies to Sister Beck.
I believe that anyone so inclined can find in her’s, or anyone else’s talk why they are the exception and that their words don’t speak to their circumstances. I think our responsibiliy is to understand the principle being discussed, and figure out how we can best be obedient to that in our own unique circumstance. (because ultimately, everyone’s circumstance is unique).
For myself, Sr. Beck’s talk was life altering in many ways. I think she will be a marvelous General Relief Society President and I believe I will write her a letter telling her so.
I had no idea that Julie Beck’s talk was controversial until just a few days ago. No one mentioned it in our Relief Society. (I’m from Idaho.) I was so shocked at the various responses. To me, her talk was motivational and inspiring. It was like a call to arms that we as Latter-Day Saint women need to rise to the occasion to be the best we can be. I don’t think it had anything to do with whether or not women should work. I don’t believe she even mentioned the words “working outside the home.” That’s a very personal decision. The definition of mother as nothing in it about whether she works or not To me, she said that we, as mothers, whatever our situation, need to recognize that those mundane tasks that we do everyday, cooking, cleaning, etc are nurturing. So often we count those activities as drudgery, but they have to be done. All of those small things that we do are important and nurturing. Whatever our situation we can be a mother who knows what is important.
To those with whom it hit a nerve, may I say the “nerve” was already there. Whatever the cause of that “nerve,” it is we who need to resolve those issues. It really had nothing to do with Sister Beck’s talk.
Steve’s comment was so misguided and wrongfully placed. For those questioning the talk given by Sister Julie Beck, ask yourselves what the Lord HAS sad about motherhood- both from the pulpit and in sacred writ. I wish everyone would just take a deep breath and not try to place the blame on someone who was speaking as an inspired church leader. If you had an issue with the way your life was headed, it was prior to Sister Beck’s talk. Don’t try to find a reason for being angry at the church. If you’re angry- get on your knees and the good Lord will humble you. I await your humbling.
To Sister Beck, thank you for speaking from your heart. Thank you for being a woman of courage. Thank you for helping women in the church and world feel better and more confident in a world that is trying to take the role of womanhood in an entirely different direction than God planned. Thank you for making women like my mother, sister, sister-in-law, and friends from all backgrounds, smile a little wider that Sunday. Thank You.
What is everyone so upset about? I know society is changing, and not for the better I might add, but that is the role of women. Mothers, wives, homemakers. It’s just unfortunate that society is making this out to be a lesser role in the family. It is not. What’s more important than sustaining your husband, bread winner and priesthood holder? What’s more important than teaching children, future prophets, apostles, priesthood holders, mothers and wives? Who then shall we look to if we as Latter Day Saint women don’t fulfill that role? Do we let our kids learn from TV, video games, school? I know it’s not the privledge of every women to be a stay at home mom but think of the wonderful atmosphere that every home would have if mothers were there to support all who lived there? I happen to think that this is the most important job on the planet and I am privledged to call myself homemaker and mother. Think of the stability of children and husbands with that kind of support. After all, if we have stable families, children and husbands wouldn’t we then have stable societies? Isn’t the family at the core of all societies? Please sisters stop listening to the media and society and start listening to our prophet and those he appoints to lead us. If the Savior told you that you were a mother, wife and homemaker would you be offended? Remember that from my mouth or the mouth of my servents, it is the same. Wasn’t the Savior’s mother a homemaker? Wasn’t Eve? Wasn’t Emma Smith? How could Joseph do what he did without Emma being a homemaker, wife and mother? The Savior insisted that he treat her with the utmost respect. And why. because she was fulfilling a vital role in his life as mother, wife and homemaker. We must be unnited sisters. Haven’t you also heard that there are no “small or insignificant” callings in our church? And yes being a mother and homemaker is a calling. Just ask any woman who can’t have children or has never had the opportunity to be married and a homemaker and see how important they think this calling is. Please stop murmuring and support your leaders.
I feel terrible that there are so many people that are having a hard time with this talk. How can we not believe a talk fully endorsed by the First Presidency of the Church? How do I know it was endorsed by them? Do you know why they sit so close to the pulpit? Do you think that they would allow false doctrine to be given to the entire world? There is no way.
The lady said something to the effect that keeping a tidy home (as tidy as the temple) isn’t vital to becoming closer to Christ. Yes, that’s something most people haven’t exactly mastered but it doesn’t make it false. Also, aren’t we supposed to become like Christ? That’s a hard task too, but it is a commandment. If you sustain Sister Beck, then you should follow her teachings. I know that God inspires the women of the Church as well.
I feel terrible that there are so many people that are having a hard time with this talk. How can we not believe a talk fully endorsed by the First Presidency of the Church? How do I know it was endorsed by them? Do you know why they sit so close to the pulpit? Do you think that they would allow false doctrine to be given to the entire world? There is no way.
The lady said something to the effect that keeping a tidy home (as tidy as the temple) isn’t vital to becoming closer to Christ. Yes, that’s something most people haven’t exactly mastered but it doesn’t make it false. Also, aren’t we supposed to become like Christ? That’s a hard task too, but it is a commandment. If you sustain Sister Beck, then you should follow her teachings. I know that God inspires the women of the Church as well. This all reminds me of Laman and Lemuel!
I know this blog is frequented by many Northern Utahns, so I’m definitely in the minority — but when I read about this talk it reaffirmed to me that I definitely made the right decision to cancel my membership (name taken off the rolls of the church). I’ve been much happier and fulfilled not trying to live up to such impossible — and in my case — unnatural standards.
We are expected to become “even as [Christ is].” If we are not pushing ourselves to be the best we can be what are we setting ourselves up to be? Nobody, NOBODY expects anybody to be perfect right now and that is not the intention of Sister Beck. Thankgoodness for people like her who teach us HOW to become more Christlike!!!! I agree with Jenni’s comment that we do have unnatural standards. It’s natural to do anything but live a Christ-like life. We are a pecular people, but that’s why I’m so happy. We are blessed for it!
I am so saddened by the uproar over Sis Beck’s talk. I thought it was powerful and refreshing. I know that she was called by the Lord to lead the RS in these challenging times. Her job is not to say what is “popular” or “accepted” or “lull us away into carnal security”. It is her job to speak by the Spirit and to say the things that we as sisters (and members) need to hear. I was empowered by her words and sustain her 100%.
It was during a recent Home Teaching visit that I became aware that the talk by Sister Beck titled “Mothers who Know” was not received by all who heard it. Those who have issues or concerns about Sister Beck’s talk should search, ponder and pray to understand so that they too will “Know” what the Savior wants Mothers to “Know”. I am a father of seven children. My Sweetheart does not work outside the home and we struggle to make ends meet, but we have been blessed. It has always been tough for us. We do without many of the things most people are accustomed to having in the status quo of American Society. We have never owned a new car in our 17 years of marriage. We have never bought new furniture. Many of the children’s clothes are second hand from members of the ward and Savers. My sweetheart “knows” that being in the home to raise our children is the Lord’s way. We have made a lot of sacrifices so that she can be a homemaker. It is a matter of faith. When we decide to do it the Lord’s way and put it in his hands, he blesses us. Many may never know the blessings that would have been theirs had they followed the teachings of the Savior. Each of us must regularly ask Our Father in Heaven what his will is and conform to his will. We will not miss out on anything, as in his own due time he will fulfill all his promises and pour out numerous blessings to the point we cannot hold all of them. Those blessings are of an Eternal Nature. The primary focus of Husband and Wife should be on building a strong Christ Centered family and all that is required to make that happen. There are consequences for not doing this that stretch beyond our generation. One example of such a consequence is concerning the ability for young couple to purchase a home. Decades ago, few Mothers had to work outside the home and the Father was the principle wage earner for the family. Mothers primarily worked in the home. Home prices were extremely low back then. Now fast forward to 2007 and home prices are out of reach for a single wage earner family in most parts of the United States. In some places it would take 3-4 incomes to purchase a standard 3 bedroom home on a small ¼ acre lot. What I believe happened was that as more and more Mothers began working outside the home to provide a 2nd income to support the family, the standard of living rose along with the demand for more expensive homes. The market moved toward building a certain kind of house and fewer homes were being built in the price range where a single wage earner could afford to buy. More money in the economy and less supply for Homes created inflation in Home prices. One income cannot afford what two incomes can. Now it is virtually impossible for a family to purchase a home on a single income, and consequently many Mothers cannot stay home to raise their families even if they wanted to. What once was extra income has become required income. To correct this situation would require families to make even greater sacrifices than many are prepared to make. I believe there are many such examples of consequences that follow when we fail to do it the “Lord’s Way”. I support what Sister Beck said in her talk. She is definitely one of the “Mothers who Know”. I hope we all will take to heard her inspired talk. We all must earnestly seek the mind and will of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in this matter and all other matters of faith. Thank you, Julie for helping us steer our ships into a safe harbor to weather the storms of the open sea. See: Julie B. Beck, “Mothers Who Know,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 76–78
According to the Denver Post, Utah ranks #1 in the nation for the highest depression rate. How could the this fact not be related to the fact that Utah also has the greatest population of Mormons?
I left my job to stay home and care for my infant daughter, because it was what I was “strongly encouraged” to do , and I exhausted myself making every attempt to create the perfect home environment that Sister Beck alluded to in her talk.
I developed physician-diagnosed severe clinical depression and was put on medication after finally, one day, I completely lost it. For the purposes of this post, I will not go into the details. I will say, though, that returning to work and making the occasional decision to let the dishes sit in the sink so that I can paint with my daughter is what is best for my family. Someone on this message board said that what they appreciated about Sister Beck’s talk was the fact that she was so straight forward in expressing her views. This is completely true and the reason I feel inclined to express my own opinion–she was very straight forward, therefore there can be no mis-interpretation of what she said we should be doing as women, mothers, and members of the Church.
As a mother, a working woman, and a Mormon, I disagree with Sister Beck. If I would have continued to strive for complete perfection in my home and in myself, I probably would not have survived the endeavor. I do not agree that we should all strive to be perfect. We should strive to be our best selves, and my best self disagrees with Sister Beck in that regard.
I’m probably the only 16 year old girl who is writing to this, but i still believe Sister Beck’s talk to be true. Why Tom would you possibly feel Guilt if you believe her ideals of motherhood to be flawed? She was called by a prophet and although you might not agree with all of her words, you should listen to her, She was guided by the spirit of what she would say in her talk.
I was lucky to have grown up in a home where my mother was and is always here for me. I learned things in my home that I would’nt have learned if I had gone to daycare for my childhood. I know this because right now I work in a daycare, the children there are exposed to many different methods of what is good and what is bad, that is where they learn most of their manners, they spend all day there. Mothers need to be at home with their children to teach them righteous things.
Sister Beck ephasised on Nurturing, that doesn’t just include cooking and cleaning, Homemaking inlcudes creating a better place for spiritual growth. Also her talk did include the roles of a father, if a mother is to nurture a father is to provide, it never said that but a father’s role becomes obvious if you listen to the talk. If you don’t agree with her talk, you can’t agree with the Proclamation to the World, given to us by the 1st Presidency, which also states that a mothers most important job is in the home to nurture her family.
Our leaders cannot sugar coat our roles as men and women of the church, especially in the world we live in today. I am sure she was’nt trying to offend anyone, but the devil is always working to confuse. She is just trying to help us get a better understanding of what we need to do.
Tom,
Perhaps if you and Karen had actually watched the presentation, rather than just hearing it, there would probably be less judgment of Sister Julie Beck. There were video clips that demonstrating what she was saying. The mom was not slaving for her family while the world revolved around them, she was working with them and helping them learn how to work. She was talking to moms, and that did not negate all the talks to fathers over the years, nor did it negate the responsibility of both parents to be “equal partners.”
The making of a home or home making is vital. Yes, dads contribute, but she was talking to moms. I am curious why you ignored the point when bolding- “Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate.” Only a generation raised by guardians in pre-school institutions or left to themselves as latchkey (whether parents were physically present or not) and not by their parents, would miss the value of this point.
All people are entitled to their opinion. However, when leaders speak with inspiration and listeners prepare their hearts to receive, even then what is said, may go up against the culture we have embraced and then we have two choices. Do we look to God to define our life and roles, as He is our maker? or do we turn to the culture and what it teaches, to find what we were designed to be? Quite frankly, the culture has a lousy track record of broken homes and individuals. Those within the church who chose the culture over the Gospel often partake of the same problems.
I feel Julie Beck to be inspired and in line with church doctrine.
BTW what does holy matrimony literally translate as? Holy means set apart for sacred purposes. Matrimony literally means motherhood. So for what Holy purpose? To assist in bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.
If I hear something over the pulpit that hits me wrong, I pray to find out what God wants me to know and take from it. I pray that my heart is open to what God wants for me. I have to remember that what is given is General Counsel. Personal application comes through direct revelation and is for me.