Governor Herbert,

In a recent news article I read your comments to the gay rights activists here in Utah. You commented that discriminating against gay people is wrong – but you said that “There’s no need for a law to prevent it.”

I wanted to explain why I disagree and let you know how those comments hurt me. You also stated, “Where do you stop? I mean that’s the problem going down that slippery road. Pretty soon we’re going to have a special law for blue-eyed blonds…or people who are losing their hair a little bit,”…”There’s some support for about anything we put out there. I’m just saying we end up getting bogged down sometimes with the minutiae of things that government has really no role to be involved in.”

Governor, let me remind you of a time not too long ago when it was illegal for a black person to sit in certain areas on the bus. Without tremendous pain over what truly was “minutiae” (small insignificant matters) as you put it; we might still be aligning with segregation policies. If it hadn’t of been for the “witness” Martin Luther King Jr. and his willingness to stand up for Rosa Park and take a stand for injustice, where would our country be today?

Let me give you examples of this “minutae” the minor details that I face each day because I am a lesbian.

1. I have been strongly persecuted by the LDS church and by LDS individuals.
• While being disciplined by the church I was asked ridiculous sexual questions. Such as “How is it that two women have sex together? ” I was humiliated and shamed for being me.
• When my son was killed in a car accident many former LDS friends could not face me as a gay person and chose to not walk by the casket. Many former friends left without talking to me- However, many came to the viewing and greeted my ex-husband and children but avoided any eye contact with me. Can you imagine how that would feel?
• My oldest daughter also determined that being gay was a terrible thing. I came out later in life so it was a shock to most of my children. Because of LDS views my oldest daughter has not allowed me to ever see my granddaughter. Currently, my granddaughter is now 14 months old. I have also not been allowed to see my grandson Tommy either since Zoey was born. (These are the biases and judgments of my own flesh and blood let alone society).
• My daughter told me that as long as I was gay and had a gay partner she would never step foot in my home and she never wanted to be in the presence of my partner.
• Other children dare not tell their dates they have a gay mom for fear they will be dumped. So I keep getting swept under the rug.
• Of the many LDS friends and associates I had while I was married, none remain as friends today.
• The persecution and constant treats that come are never ending. During my son’s Eagle court of honor people loudly while my partner was in the restroom, “I can’t believe that Cheryl would come and desecrate the church by coming in with her partner” (my own son’s eagle?).
• When my partner and I sat down in the LDS church at a table for the Eagle every person sitting at the table moved to another table.
• At the funeral dinner of my 21 year old son again, there was no room at the table for my partner and I.
• When my son got his patriarchal blessing I was not invited or told because he commented that “my presence would have destroyed the Spirit of the Lord”.
• When my son went through the temple my family all were invited but me. I was not even told by my ex-husband about the event. Because I am gay does that makes people think I don’t feel? Do they think I would want to be there to support my own son even if it was from outside? Family came from all over Utah for the event but not one family member took the time to tell me about it. I learned about the event from a small child who wasn’t old enough to go. Everyone just passed by secretly so that they wouldn’t have to deal with the gay mother.

2. After losing my job last November; I found myself without health insurance and though my partner had excellent health benefits, my two sons’ and I did not. I had been suffering from PTSD, and Major Depression yet I had to stop medical treatment because I couldn’t afford it. My partner was left with the burden of paying all the bills without my help. Do you know what it is like to need medication and to have no means of getting it? Had I been able to rely on my partners for insurance I would have not suffered as badly as I did? I lay on my bed crying for months. I attempted getting help from the State but I was given numbers of those who couldn’t help me, and was told that even if I did get medication it would only be for 7 months. I was not willing to suffer the effects of withdrawal again for it nearly killed me.

3. Additionally, I have a significant hearing loss and can only hear about 2% in each ear; at times I think that without the power of my hearing aids I would be completely disabled. I have struggled finding a job that I can do because of this. If I had basic civil rights my partner would be empowered to provide many of the things I need through her work.

My partner is a kind and loving woman who has worked as a social worker in health care (with cancer patients) for many years now. Her whole life has been about helping others heal. She has developed a social security benefit from all that work. In contrast, I had been a stay at home Mormon mother with 7 children most of my life until my divorce.

Unlike other couples if my partner should die young I wouldn’t have access to her social security benefits like other couples, because we are not legally married. Yet in my heart I feel we are married; we had a ceremony performed by a loving minister in Kona Hawaii. My partner and I wear beautiful rings as a symbol of our commitment to each other, yet we can’t even celebrate this with our families or be acknowledged as a couple anywhere in Utah. I guess you and others might say that if my own children, my own community, my own friends and my own State won’t acknowledge me because I am gay; then this is just my “Little Problem” and I should just get over it. But I tell you it is not. This is a spiritual problem and I hurt, I cry big tears, and I am in constant pain over this. I believe that one day there will be a spiritual accounting for those of us who have been treated so poorly because of these issues. I believe this because I have sat on the other side of the fence too. It wasn’t until I experienced these pains first hand that I could ever imagine what it would be like for someone.

4. At the time of my divorce I was awarded alimony. Later, I was later required to pay back the alimony because of my homosexual relationship. Yet I am not entitled to any of the financial benefits or tax assistance that marriage offers.

5. Because I am gay we were treated with bias in Utah County. Without my permission the ORS closed my case and I have not received any child support for over 40 months. I paid back all the alimony to my husband and from my calculations my ex-husband owes approximately $17,000. I again tried to open the case and have not heard from the ORS it has been two months now.

6. The Lehi Library does not have any books on homosexuality, other than books that say something is wrong with you and where you can get help to cure yourself from it. A gay youth certainly would never be able to get unbiased information about homosexuality in Lehi.

Governor Herbert, this is just the tip of the ice berg; and though my stories are small and insignificant they do matter in the bigger picture and on a higher level.

Martin Luther King Jr. was really no one of influence until that tiny experience with Rosa Park came along. Rosa Park was just your average Black African American woman who decided to stand in her power one day. She decided to be who she was born to be. She decided that she was just as good as anyone else and that she was no longer going to sit at the back of the bus feeling less than. She wasn’t going to stand up at the back of the bus either, because there were plenty of empty seats in the white section.

With more courage than we can ever imagine she decided to stand in her power; and for that she was arrested. Martin Luther King Jr. heard what happened to her and he was very concerned, he witnessed the wrong doing and his compassion set to motion the whole civil rights movement. One man was all it took. He just witnessed her. He had empathy, he chose love and nonviolent compassion, along with charity and he called upon others to stand up against the injustice too. He was arrested time and time again for his desire to promote freedom. Sometimes, one can create a movement by setting an example or by supporting people who are courageously standing in their truth. People like Rosa Park give us the chance in life to choose love. Yet we are always free to choose not to. I believe that I am here on earth to help many individuals choose love (Though it is important too, I am not talking about sexuality here). So far many have not chosen to do so.

I’m asking you Governor Herbert and everyone else who reads this document to have the courage to witness a blue eyed ash blonde lesbian that resides in Utah County. I’m asking for your heart, for your courage to change laws that hurt others. I just want basic civil rights and civil decencies and to be acknowledged as a human being somewhere in this world. I call out with all my heart in efforts to ask you to choose love by allowing my partner and I to enjoy the benefits of marriage, equality and basic civil rights.

If the LDS Church is so concerned about people trying to force their lifestyle on everyone else then maybe they should rethink their missionary program… I think they force their lifestyle on others way more than gays do

your beliefs on gays and gay marriage seems be a part of your lifestyle. Seems to me you’re forcing your lifestyle on me. You’re forcing your beliefs on me. You’re breathing down my throat and your breath stinks!

to answer your previous question… We will stop when we are recognized as true equals with all the rights, benefits, and opportunities as our heterosexual counterparts.

You are right, the presentation doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the credibility of the content. Even if this ad was well done visually, it is still full of inaccuracies based on hatred for other human beings.

Missed this paragraph. Not much new here. Again you are confusing people’s right to exist in the open with forcing their lifestyle on others.

I am not aware of any legislation that would dictate who you have to allow your children to associate with. People supportive of gay rights would tend to disagree that gayness is immoral, but that does not stop you from acting on your own convictions. Wrong as they may be.

“That is one of the points the LDS are trying to make. It seems that gays are trying to impress their lifestyle upon everyone for some reason and there are a lot of people that disagree.”

Not wanting to have to hide from the light of day is not “impressing their lifestyle” on anyone.

“The main point is that we should be able to choose what our children are exposed to, not have other people choose for us. And if we don’t want to be exposed to it, we shouldn’t be verbally abused by anyone. Why should I be called a bigot for shielding something from my children that I don’t agree with? Let them get older and make the decision on their own.”

Calling you a bigot won’t stop you from following your values and doing what you can to overprotect your children. Or maybe you’re just ultra-sensitive, and any criticism makes it impossible for you to function.

More likely with your “they’re forcing us to see their lifestyle,” nonsense and what you really just saying you don’t want gay people to be allowed in public.

“I don’t think it is the state’s job or the federal govt’s job to be allowing homosexuality in schools,”

Right. Allowing gay people to go to school oppresses straight people.

“nor is it a lobbyists job to be petitioning for it…you see what they do when they get control…for example, they do a fantastic job of teaching kids all about drugs by showing them everything they need to know in health class…why don’t we just go ahead and teach them what their sexual orientation should be while we are teaching them how to toke up? I never knew anything about drugs or booze before I went to health class and watched all the stupid videos.”

Health class videos, if they mention it at all, say there is no “should” when it comes to one’s sexual orientation. Anti-gay bigots for some reason think that everyone would be gay if they had a choice, so giving people a choice is effectively making them gay.

“Leave it up to the parents to decide how material like this should be shown to their kids. And if they don’t want their kids to see it, don’t attack them.”

Again, criticism is not oppression.

“But that’s the problem…they should be able to say their opinion but they can’t. If they do, the agenda pushers use the “squeaky wheel gets the grease” tactic by pulling a Joy Behar on everybody. They start screaming “bigot” or “redneck” or any number of rude things. They make it seem “uncool” to have an opposing opinion instead of respecting other people’s right to disagree.”

No, it is you who does not respect other people’s right to disagree. You argue against the morality of gay people. Other people criticize your argument and point out the bigotry inherent in it. And somehow they’ve taken away your right to free speech?

As to the “bigotry is uncool” thing, that is cultural influence that the gay rights movement are increasingly winning as people more and more, of their own volition, come to agree with them. The problem for the bigots is that for the most part, gay people aren’t closeted anymore. Acceptance of gay people has mushroomed over the last decade (though actual gayness rates have stayed the same of course) because straight people know openly gay people in their lives–friends, family, co-workers. They see that they are normal people, with principles and failings like everyone else. You can’t fight it, and all your whining about how your bigotry is rapidly losing credibility will not change it. Your moaning that this cultural change, caused by people voluntarily changing their minds, is somehow coerced or illegitimate does not make it so.

“The slippery slope is another common fallacy used against gay marriage.”

Slippery slope? Nah, I’d call it the “snowball effect.” Give them an inch and they take a mile. See, you can’t even answer my original question. Instead of telling me where it will stop after they achieve their agenda, you turn it around and try to negate that it’s a valid concern. There are uncountable situations out there where one little thing ended up spawning the biggest problem ever. Example: the IRS. Give them a penny and years later, they get damn near half of your wages. So, after they breathe their lifestyle down everyone’s throats in the name of “acceptance,” what will they start working on next?

Step 1: Make bigotry uncool.
Step 2: …
Step 3: Gas chambers for heterosexuals.