The Role of Misunderstanding Choice in Why We Hate Each Other

Since the dawn of man, people have hated each other over their differences. In today’s enlightened age, a time of advanced science and of instant communication and of tickle-me Elmo, you might think things would be different, but the story is the same.

The problem, I think, is that most people just don’t understand their differences. They develop mindsets and misconceptions that cause them to view the differences between people in the wrong way, which leads to contention, derision, even downright hatred. In my time, I’ve found that there are a handful of common mistakes that we all make that cause us to misunderstand our differences and that a large portion of bad feelings come from a misunderstanding of what choice is.

Let’s look at some real world examples of why people hate each other and why they shouldn’t. I’m not going to get into the specifics or morality of these issues, I’m only going to attempt to dispel some misconceptions about the way the issues are viewed by showing how a lack of choice at their core means that, whichever side of the issue we’re on, we’re there by chance alone.

For people who hate each other based on their skin color: It’s clear that nobody has the privilege of choosing their race or who their parents are. You could just as easily have been born as any of the races around the world, which means that having a certain skin color cannot in itself be considered an achievement or a failure. This is true of gender, hair color, eye color, natural body type, any of our differences that are decided by our genetics. If you hate a certain race, chances are good that what you really hate is the behavior that you attribute to that race, which is a cultural issue and not a racial issue at all. If you hate someone because of their culture, remember that no person chooses their upbringing any more than they choose their skin color, and while culture is a function of behavior, they don’t necessarily get to choose that, either. Which brings me to the next group:

For people who hate each other based on their beliefs: It’s a common misconception that you choose what you believe. Careful self-examination will show that this is simply not the case. Our beliefs are an amalgam of opinions about the nature of the world around us that are cobbled together out of our own past experiences and all of the information that we’ve ever gathered that we are still able to recall. Whenever we gather a new piece of information, however it is gathered, our brains naturally analyze it against the information that already exists (from past experiences) for the purpose of classification. This is totally natural and never done, altered, or not done on purpose.

It’s like the old adage that one should not judge a book by its cover – in reality, you can’t help but judge a book by its cover. The adage aught to be “never settle on your initial judgement alone”, because this is what happens in reality. No matter what, any and all additional information will be judged against the information that already exists and will be added to the record. In this way, your beliefs are like a soup that you make by asking every person and event in your life to bring whatever ingredient they will. It makes sense, I promise, just hear me out; you add anything to a soup, and it will change the content of the soup, but it may or may not change the flavor. Some flavors have been added so often that they overpower everything else. Some new flavors come all at once while any existing flavor will have an impact on how strongly the new ingredients will effect the overall flavor of the soup.

It is this process by which our beliefs are formed, and none of it happens by choice. You have some degree of control over where your input comes from, and the way you behave is always your choice, but when it comes to belief, well… you either believe something or you don’t.

For people who hate each other based on sexual preference: It is important to note that nobody chooses what does or does not stimulate them sexually. This is another one where some serious introspection is required. Think back to the period of your life where your sexual tendencies began – at what point did you seriously buckle down to the hard choice of which set of sexual organs you would be physically aroused by? Don’t think too hard – the answer is that you never made such a choice. Your body, from your brain to your genitalia, reacts physically to a certain type of sexual stimuli whether you want it to or not. Bear that in mind next time you think about someone whose sexual preference is different from your own.

When it comes down to it, we all have something to gain by showing empathy for people that we disagree with. Much of our behavior is governed by things over which we have little or no control. I would be morally remiss if I didn’t acknowledge a simple fact at this point, which is that all people deserve the respect of being held responsible for their own behavior, regardless of the reasoning behind it. This is of the utmost importance. Just remember that as you consider the people in this world that are different from you, very little of that difference was left up to them, and you could just as easily be in their shoes as your own.

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